Sad.

Being sad is what everything revolves around in my life at the moment.
Don't even want to be typing right now, but I have to get it out somehow.

Everything I'm doing seems pointless. I already want to give up. Without you next to me, I feel nothing. Not accomplished, not proud, not excited, not anything at all.

I don't want to sit here. I don't know where I want to be or what I want to do. I don't want to eat. Can't sleep worth shit. Finally slept in a bed two nights ago, and it was awful.

I just kind of float around, and don't really try that hard to find something to do. Its so quiet, all of the time.

I think and dig myself deeper into the isolation I can't see myself getting out of anytime soon.

I'm finishing school right now. Mom tells me she is proud of me. I believe that she is, but I feel nothing toward it myself.

Sleeping and living out of my car still. I don't mind it, its better than where I was before.

I have slept at my mothers the last two nights, but I'm going back to sleeping in my car now. I feel like that is where I belong. And, I don't want to be around anyone anways.

I will fix everything myself, even though it would have been nice to have you with me. After school, I'm dissapearing. I feel like there is nothing left here. Then again, it makes me sad to think about it. In the long run, I think it will be best. But I know thats not how I will feel for a while.
I love you, and I'm sorry.

cupid

Aiden Joseph Liam Bradley.
Born February 14th, 2011.
I want to call him Cupid.
Hes perfect. All ten fingers, all ten toes. Tiny little cry.
Long fingers, long toes, just like daddy. He
already lifts his head. Strong, just like daddy. I'm
so excited to be his big sister.

I LOVE YOU.

stressing.

HOW
DID
THAT
MAKE
YOU
FEEL
?

did you feel anything? Tell me, how can you look into my eyes and do that. and more importantly, how could you say that to me.

I wish I could have met him.

"I SEE MYSELF AS AN INTELLIGENT, SENSITIVE HUMAN BEING WITH THE SOUL OF A CLOWN WHICH FORCES ME TO BLOW IT AT THE MOST IMPORTANT MOMENTS."- JIM MORRISON

Well....

What is it that I want exactly?
Do I want someone to hold me and comfort me? Or I just want someone to be there, to try and prove to myself that I'm not alone?
Sometimes I feel like its mostly that I want someone to be there because thats what I end up making it. I always mess things up. I hate to be that girl that says, " You don't want to like me" but I know if I were a guy I would not date me. I'm too....I don't know. Confusing. Unattachable. Scared. Independent. Cold hearted. Crazy. Just many, many things.

To you:
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I don't even have the decency to talk to you about whats going on in my mind.
I don't think you can handle me. Not because you're weak, but because I don't think anyone can really handle me. Let alone someone that wants to be with me. Part of me hopes you can handle me.

2011.

Dear God,

Please let this year come easier. My family could use a little break. We've all begun to feel a little insane. Please help us get through whatever will be thrown at us this year and to not give up. Let us experience more and do it responsibly.