The month of July.

Its the fourth year I've felt this in a row now.
Each day is getting closer to the end of this month.
It almost feels like the end of everything. Then it comes and I feel like I need to do something wild and crazy to keep it from my mind.
I was told to write you a letter. I can't get myself to do it. I can barely get myself to talk to you anymore. Especially now, when things in my life have drastically changed. Even though I feel like you somehow know about these things have changed in my life, Kennys, and moms, they are still hard to talk to you about.
As always, there is so much I want to say to you and so much I want to ask you.
I would trade anything to do either of those. I would give my life for one more day with you.
I don't mean for that to sound depressing or sad. It really has nothing to do with that.
Every day I think about how much I want these things. It seems like those feelings build up and get more intense every day.
I'm slowly changing my life right now. In a strange way, keeping you on my mind gives me hope of becoming that better person that I want to be.
I love you.