appointment.

Pulling at my sweater, playing with my nails, playing with my hair, clearing my throat. Wrapping my arms around my stomach. Sick feeling.
My body was shaking and my voice kept giving out.
I didn't want to be there. I wanted to walk out.
Any personal question you can think of, he asked me.
Lump in my throat. Watering eyes.
"Do you ever have anxiety?" Yes.
"When?" Whenever people are talking about something personal (about me) and ______."
Telling myself: Don't puke, don't puke. Its almost over.
Set up appointments.
All done. I basically run out of there.
Waiting room. Old lady crying, another lady making chewing noises next to me, creepy guy staring at me. Sat in there for an hour and a half. So hungry that my stomach hurt. Wanting to puke but nothing would come up.
Sick, furious, exhausted.
I don't want to go back there.
At school. Out of it. Out of all people, thinking about you. Thinking about how I need you here, how I want you here, and how much you scare me.