2009.

Turning 17. First birthday home in 3 years.
Doyle. My best friend and the guy I dated for nine months.
Show at Peabodys.
Kenny turning 14.
Nina. Its sad the way things turned out.
Blurry nights.
Trampoline with two girls.
Pirogi's with Nina and Chloe. Loooots of butter.
Deals in Massillon.
Coloring those velvet pictures.
Pretty underwear.
Mom.
Strange houses.
First love.
All of us switching clothes.
Weed. A new world.
Dad (biological). On and off. On and off.
May Fiesta after party with Miranda, Kelsey, Michelle, and Aaron Floom.
Massive body aches the next day.
Making love.
Coming home late.
Almost getting kicked out of the movie theater.
Donavon.
Parties.
Chris living with us for a few weeks.
Climbing the trees by your grandmas house.
You telling me you loved me in person for the first time.
June 5th. I'll never forget it.
Stealing.
Comforting the new kid.
Foggy conversations.
Cigarettes.
You trying to have sex with me.
Frozen cookies.
Foggy card games.
Awkwardly sleeping next to you.
Realizing who you really are.
Strange new faces.
Vicodin.
Laughing until I cried.
Show in Carolton.
Your grandma showing me your baby pictures.
Emptying my stomach.
Painting my room with Doyle and Kenny.
Remembering old times with Nina, Austin, Doyle and I.
Paint on your necklace, on my shoes, in our hair, and on my bed.
Being the most pale I've ever been. I thought I was dying.
Ding dong ditching like a little kid.
Random conversation with your friend. Him: "Are you hot?" Me: "I don't know. Ask my cousin." Cousin: "Yeah. Shes hot. All of my friends think shes hot too."
Hating myself.
Empty pool.
Sleeping on your floor. You made me a bed out of blankets.
Leaning against the shower wall for balance.
Mason and Aaron. Ashtabula. way more than a 3 hour drive.
Drifting off in the driveway.
Finding out that sleeping in cars is ridiculous.
Calling you to tell you happy birthday.
Foggy drive back.
Getting into a car wreck. We could have died.
X-rays.
Coffee from dad.
Not being able to breathe. Having the worst pain I've ever felt. Ruptured ovarian sist.
Ambulance ride.
Them giving me oxygen.
Being given a drug stronger than morphine. "Its kind of like being high."
Wanting to touch the doctors bald head.
Singing Three Little Birds by Bob Marley.
IV.
Wanting to call you. You were the only one I wanted to talk to.
You ripping your pants....several times.
Meeting Jason.
Hanging out with Alex again.
Donavon getting his truck.
Movie theater.
Kenny's facial hair.
Feeling insecure about myself more than ever.
Moms birthday.
Going to Clays Park with Marsha.
Barrel in the water.
Walking to the park by your house. So many great times there.
Worrying that I'm not good enough for you.
You telling me you liked me.
Dancing like crazy.
Nasty guys flirting with me.
Losing my bathing suit bottoms.
Attempting to dive.
Your grandmas basement.
Izzy attacking Chris.
Doyle being grounded for a month.
Dying my hair.
Us drawing with chalk.
The mustang. We were creative.
Crying and hiding it.
Mothers day.
Meeting Donavons girlfriend Angel.
Loving your curly hair.
You giving me flowers.
Texts from dad.
Fighting with Kayla for the last time.
Wishing my dad could meet you.
You leaving your choir concert to be with me.
Girls bathroom.
Getting caught.
Opening up to you.
Feeling you everywhere thats within arms reach.
Visiting Aunt Denise.
Cleaning your grandmas van.
Jumping into the pool with my clothes on.
Being with Chris Rossi, Ben, Parker, Nick, Ian, Doug.
Not being able to watch movies with you around.
Creepy older guys.
Trying to make it work with Nina again.
Dance party at my house.
Michael Jackson.
Us in my room. The Doors was playing.
Missing those impulses you have. Nobody else understands my impulses.
Broken necklace.
You holding me while I cried in your grandmas basement.
Outside of the movie theater.
Walking to the gas station.
Feeling like I couldn't help mom.
Meeting your parents.
Going to your soccer game.
You putting my phone down your pants.
Your mom putting makeup on me.
Being half naked in your car.
Shopping at Goodwill.
Listening to Michael Jackson.
Sharing something with Grandma and Aunt Denise.
Kissing you for the first time.
Scarfing down nasty McDonalds food.
You driving me home.
Kenny and I. Our relationship changing.
Rossi Halloween party.
Me dressing up as a doll. You as a gay guy.
Watching you dance.
AA meetings.
No more AA meetings.
Breaking up with Doyle.
Loving you forever.
Homecoming. I felt strange.
Seeing Amber, Nick, and Ryan. Seeing Brendan for the first time.
Crying.
Crying.
Crying.
Crying at school for the first time.
Breaking up with Nick for the second time in a month.
Taking the boombox around neighborhoods.
Becoming closer to Nicole.
Dads birthday. He would be 38.
Your mom and I cheering for you at your game.
Us trying to make brownies.
You asking me if I was over Doyle. I said, " Honestly, I don't know." Right after that, you asked me out. I said yes thinking why not.
First time hanging out with Adam.
Meeting Nate.
You are thee craziest driver.
Helping you and your family move things out of your house.
Watching your little cousins.
All three of us in our underwear.
Eating Lucky Charms.
Taking pictures.
Me being the only one that didn't sleep.
Feeling sorry for you and your family.
Having more stress between mom and I than there ever has been.
Getting on the roof.
Crying while walking home.
Wondering how you're doing.
Losing my keys somewhere in North Canton.
Laughing until I cried.
Hanging out with Michelle.
Back room filled with smoke.
Going to Taco Bell with Nick and Ian.
Abandoned house.
Spin the bottle.
Falling over bruising my knee.
Whipped cream fight.
Looking at me through the vent while I peed.
Making a big mistake.
Marks.
Waking up the next morning.
Crying while you held me. You're a great friend.
Many many late nights.
Talking in a southern accent.
Losing control.
Missing you.
Mat Stats. Being around sweaty guys wearing spandex. Ha.
Realizing how much of a great guy you both are.
Smacking you in the face. Not out of anger, but out of hurt.
Searching for you in the dark when it was pouring rain.
Relating to you.
Truth or dare.
Hanging out with Britany and Jenny.
Gagging while eating. I could not help it.
Being attracted to you because of one thing.
Comparing underwear and bras.
Exchanging stories about sex.
Telling mom I don't know what I'm doing.
Watching you talk, but not hearing you.
Mason May coming home.
Chris leaving the state.
Forgetting to eat.
You making me sick. Literally.
Driving with Aaron, Mason and Lauren.
Meeting the most amazing gay guy, Luke.
27 year old mexican guy hitting on me.
People walking in.
Kissing Jolynn Peck.
Seeing Chase Conley and some other Jackson people.
Racing to get home.
Mom calling.
Gaining respect for Jason.
You smacking me.
Losing weight.
Kenny saying those things.
Police.
Mom finding them.
Shaking so bad its hard to stand.
Someone threatening to shoot up the school.
Not knowing what is wrong with you.
Finding out who made that threat.
One by one by one by one.
Seeing little dots everywhere.
Puke. Lots of it.
Wanting to talk to you.
Rushing into things.
Losing my family.
Having a huge talk with mom.
My family members, mom and Jason telling me I'm too thin.
Feeling more exhausted than I've ever been.
Trying to have a friendship with Nick again.
I realized I can't tell my mom everything. Maybe its better that way.
Not getting invited to my baby cousins second birthday.
Making up my mind about dad. I don't want anything to do with him.
New Years Eve. Crying alone in my room right after the ball dropped.