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shutdown. blurred. paranoia. plaid shirt. cold, shaking body. gay guy. jolynn, chase, lee, brandon, pat. sweat pants. weed. green hat. massillon. hip bones. no makeup. curve cologne. alcohol. ive lost you. soaked pants. pills. teddy bear. shoulder blades. chris koon. shower head. shower wall. sick. blonde hair. stephen. cigarettes. hidden marks. black colored eyes. wobbling. hollow. i wish you were here. soar lips. ripped pants. naked body. puke. cleaning. dark circles. hair extensions. hugh laurie. help you. help us. hair rollers. bubble bath. new year. im sorry. pictures. tired of being tired. 18 years old. canton. cheek bones. new meaning. little boy. make me pretty. hoodies. tattoo. goodwill. new years parties. pretend. smooth skin. phone numbers. trapped. real dates. sister. fair skin. destruction. curly hair. old age. roadtrip. nailpolish. just stop. watering eyes. many little dogs. light headed. desire. messed up hair. bad chills. nightmares. chest bones. coffee thermos. facial hair. shows. no family. paint. numb. not deserving.

The truth is...

clean, clean, clean, workout, keep moving.
mom, Kenny, & I. We're falling apart.
I didn't even know you.
weight loss.
Jason. Not only do I know that you're good to my mom, I think you are good for her. I respect you.
You make me sick. I make me sick.
Izzy. I love her. Shes my baby. Always will be.
The smell of cigarettes & alcohol.
I'm so sorry.
Christmas. wasn't excited. Thankful for the gifts. Dad didn't call me. Even though I didn't expect him to, it doesn't hurt any less.
nightmare. I swear I could feel it.
no peaceful sleep.
I'm terrified.
Uncontrollable puke.
18 in fourteen days. No feelings toward it. No plans.
"Its only ____ o'clock? It needs to go faster so I can go to bed and then tomorrow can go away faster."
many new people.
There is only one single thing that attracted me to you. I know its not right.
Every day, for the past month, I've been nothing but sick to my stomach.
Dad, Jenn, Taylor. I hope you're all happy. I am done with him.
Mom and I had a talk. Everything she said was true.
Kenny. So many thoughts have been going through my mind.
Numb.
chest pains.
regret.
Impulsive plans.
old friends. Jackson people.

I love you:
Mom
Kenny
Dad
Aunt Denise
The babies: Caleb, Ryan, Brendan.
Donavon Crites
Marsha Duff
Ryan Snyder
Aaron Williams
Mason May
Nicole Lucas
Nick D'Antonio

Many mistakes.
So much has happened. I don't know where to start. I've held a lot in. Now other things happened on top of it, and are still happening. I'm so exhausted. Something needs to change.
fresh memories.
disgusted.
I've lost myself.
I feel like I'm in a dream and can't wake up. Time just keeps passing, but everything stays the same.